Why self-doubt is a KILLER

Okay, let me start off with – YOU ARE YOUR BIGGEST FAN but you can also be YOUR WORST ENEMY. How many of you have stopped yourself from doing something you so badly wanted to do because of the fear you were carrying inside of your mind?

Worried about what the next person might say or do, hell self-doubt can be so bad – it can cost you your entire life. 

From a person who dealt, continues to deal, and strives to be better than the person she was yesterday – take it from me, if not the UNIVERSE – f**k what could happen, and let that shit HAPPEN. Stop worrying about what others might think of you, stop questioning why you do certain things differently than others, and STOP comparing. 

(I’m preaching I know!! But seriously, wtf?! Do it!)

I write this sitting here in my backyard, on a Sunday afternoon. I just had dinner with my parents, my brother Bobby & his gf. And all I kept thinking was, wow.. This feels great. It’s been a while since it’s been all of us (minus one) for a sit-down Sunday dinner.. Anyways, I got sidetracked. I brought up dinner because as always, Bones (my dad) sits in the hammock across from me afterward and reads one of his thousands of books.

I have been having crazy writer's block for the past month, I just felt so uninspired to write about anything, until just now.

He’s reading a book called “How successful people think” by …… (don't ask, cause idk) and turned to me and asked “K, can you do this?” I replied with the “what…are…you..saying.” lol, so he looks up at me and says, “Can you write down 5 of your strengths and 5 of your weaknesses.” 

Me being my opinionated self quickly replied with "obviously that’s so easy, done that in HS!"

I then went back to my thoughts and decided to make a mental list, to prove to him that I can do it. (More so a self satisfaction kind of thing, ha)

I noticed right away, 5 .. maybe 10 weaknesses were the first thing that popped into my head, and not one strength.

Now I know I have a ton of strengths, I preach about how all my ladies should be self-loved, independent and straight up badass, but sometimes… its always easier said than done. 

Admitting them is sometimes hard, especially if you’re a crazed perfectionist like me who’s never satisfied until I push myself to be the best, and even then, I’m sometimes not satisfied..

That little voice in your head can be stronger than you may think, but I’m slowly learning to not let that cloud my judgment, my good character, & who I really am as I person.

I catch myself questioning if I’m good enough for a certain positive outcome, or if I truly ever deserve my accomplishments. My thoughts are always shut down the minute something good comes along! 

It may seem silly to think about but, I’ve come across the term “Imposter Syndrome” a ton, I just don’t agree with using the word ‘Fraud’. It’s not being a fraud to yourself, in my opinion, its more so feeling like you aren’t good enough. & I’m going to break it to you, but you are. I am. We all are. It’s so easy to get lost in the thought that you aren’t though, I’m the first to admit that.

But idk.. sitting here, taking in and thinking about what life really has to offer, (& yes picture it in your head being a successful rapper, or model – we all do it, don’t lie) how could it not put a smile on your face?

Thinking of what you could be and being able to turn it into what you ARE is the wildest thing, and it makes me feel so exhilarated, I know I can’t be the only one!

I’ve actually stopped myself from writing these exact thoughts down, soooo many times – because what do I tell myself? “People are gunna think you cray Krystle, stop…” lol. But when you really think about it, we all a little cray, we all face struggles we don’t want to speak about, and we all deal with them in different ways than others. Judging one from the next won’t ever rid the judgment you put on yourself & #thatsafact. We all can look at the same damn image and have 500 different takes on it, who’s to say mine is right compared to yours? 

Focus on your thoughts. And be open to accepting the thoughts of others.

Anyways, there wasn’t any real timeline to this post, my thoughts started overtaking & I felt like finally writing them down! (I was also picturing myself as a columnist for Composer like Andie Anderson in ‘How to lose a guy in 10 days’) and that motivated the hell out of me, ha!

Be kind. Love yourself. Be Badass. & just do wtf you want to do. Your mind is powerful, & an out of this world kind of thing, don’t waste it. 

Happy thinking,

xoxo

K r y s t l e C a r r i s s a